Steel Panther - “Heavy Metal Rules” [Album Review]

- Oct 02, 2019 at 05:00PM
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Heavy Metal Rules marks ten years since Steel Panther rejuvenated the heavy metal scene with their ‘80s tribute act and debut album Feel the Steel. Complete with big hair, loud clothes, sexually-charged lyrics, and an attitude the “Me Too” movement simply could not abide by, vocalist Michael Starr, guitarist Satchel, bassist Lexi Foxx, and drummer Stix Zadinia come in balls-swinging with everything they’ve got on every album, and Heavy Metal Rules is no exception! Of course, all of this is an act, and their image and music is a wry social commentary on the world of rock in days past. Still, at its very core, the whole facade of Steel Panther is nothing more than good old-fashioned metal with exaggerated themes that is simply great fun. Anyone that gets offended by Steel Panther has really missed the point.

Heavy Metal Rules opens with “Zabraman,” a short piece of dialogue featuring a bloke ranting about metal being far superior to all other forms of music without any discernible point to make beyond his own opinion. Strangely, I’m sure everyone reading this will say to themselves, “I know someone like that!” Following this is nine tunes of ‘80s style metal complete with the Steel Panther twist. “All I Wanna Do is F**k (Myself Tonight)” is the tried, tested, and next-to-perfect metal track complete with high-note hitting vocals, air-guitar worthy riffs, and group back-up lines of lyrics. As you can guess, the tune revolves around Starr highlighting the egotistical persona of the character he has created by admitting, as the title of the song suggests, that he literally loves himself. “Always Gonna Be a Ho” is the slow-style love song in true ‘80s fashion, but, rather than the bittersweet tones usually associated with this kind of song (“November Rain” anyone?), it becomes a tale of a girl Starr got down and dirty with only to discover she’s a “ho” that has made her way through countless men including Satchel and his own grandfather.

Once a ho, “Always Gonna Be a Ho.” But, seriously, this video is hilarious.


Marking the perfect sing-along track on Heavy Metal Rules (for me at least) is “F**k Everybody.” It is the perfect tune for the person who feels disdain towards the general population of planet Earth, and it will have you singing along unashamedly in public whist waiting for your Starbucks to be brewed.

Each song on Heavy Metal Rules has its own charm with ingeniously funny lyrics; whether it’s the fast-paced, riff-tastic rock n’ roll party songs or the slower, lighter-raising anthems, it will all have you bursting with nostalgia - even if you’re not old enough to have experienced the ‘80s, arguably the greatest decade for all things rock, first hand. Heavy Metal Rules isn’t Steel Panther’s greatest achievement, but it does add some exceptional hits to their already fantastic catalogue of tunes. Raise those devil horns and pay homage to the masters of “sarcastic metal,” the men mothers warn their children about, the one, the only, Steel Panther!

Heavy Metal Rules Track Listing:

01. Zebraman
02. All I Wanna Do is F**k (Myself Tonight)
03. Let’s Get High Tonight
04. Always Gonna Be a Ho
05. I’m Not Your Bitch
06. F**K Everybody
07. Heavy Metal Rules
08. Sneaky Little Bitch
09. Gods of Pussy
10. I Ain’t Buying What You’re Selling

Run Time: 36:02
Release Date: September 26, 2019
Record label: Steel Panther

Netlflix and chill solo and watch “All I Wanna Do is F**K (Myself Tonight).”

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